This Is How It Starts

Can You Hear Me Now? Pt. III

2008-12-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

Can You Hear Me Now? Pt. II

2008-12-06T18:42:00.000-05:00

Can You Hear Me Now?

2008-12-04T19:57:00.002-05:00

Made You Look Pt. XIII

2008-12-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

Made You Look Pt. XII

2008-11-18T20:23:00.000-05:00

Made You Look Pt. X

2008-11-18T19:02:00.000-05:00

Made You Look Pt. IX

2008-11-18T17:34:00.000-05:00

Made You Look Pt. VIII

2008-11-18T15:10:00.001-05:00

Made You Look Pt. VII

2008-11-18T06:37:00.001-05:00

Made You Look Pt. VI

2008-11-18T06:33:00.001-05:00

Made You Look Pt. V

2008-11-18T04:50:00.001-05:00

Made You Look Pt. IV

2008-11-18T04:39:00.003-05:00

I have the feeling that updates during the workday will do more to improve the traffic than updates in the dead of night.

So, just as some people will prepare a lunch for themselves, I've prepared a number of posts that I will be adding over the course of my workday.

Made You Look Pt. III

2008-11-18T03:21:00.001-05:00

Made You Look Pt. II

2008-11-17T22:48:00.002-05:00

Made You Look

2008-11-17T21:39:00.002-05:00

Unbeknownst to you, my theoretical audience, the distance between the last post and this one is actually filled with work that took a course I perhaps should have foreseen, but for whatever reason, did not. Foresee, that is.

I am really just trying to get back to the place where I can work and progress without consciously willing myself to invent something completely new every time I start a new project.

This Is How It Looks

2008-11-13T19:51:00.003-05:00

This image was created as part of my "costume" as an "artist". I hung it over the course of the housewarming party. It's made from four different colorations of the image my friend printed and hung above his bed: greyscale, inverted colors, inverted greyscale, and the normal colors.

The Fire Next Time Pts. IX & X

2008-11-13T18:16:00.004-05:00

I'm kind of torn between these two final versions of the image. The solid black background heightens the dramatic potential of his expression and the way the light falls on his face and pants.

But the full version has its merits, too.

The Fire Next Time Pt. VIII

2008-11-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. VII

2008-11-12T20:20:00.003-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. VI

2008-11-12T19:11:00.002-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. V

2008-11-11T18:43:00.000-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. IV

2008-11-11T17:14:00.000-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. III

2008-11-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

The Fire Next Time Pt. II

2008-11-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

The Fire Next Time

2008-11-11T11:44:00.002-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. IX

2008-11-11T10:54:00.000-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. VIII

2008-11-11T10:02:00.002-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. VII

2008-11-11T09:14:00.002-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. VI

2008-11-11T07:37:00.000-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. V

2008-11-11T06:45:00.000-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. IV

2008-11-11T06:21:00.001-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. III

2008-11-11T02:42:00.000-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.) Pt. II

2008-11-11T00:40:00.000-05:00

Keep It Moving (Do The K.I.M.)

2008-11-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

Next!

2008-11-10T20:57:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. XI

2008-11-10T19:17:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. X

2008-11-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. IX

2008-11-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. VIII

2008-11-09T18:37:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. VII

2008-11-09T16:41:00.001-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. VI

2008-11-09T16:00:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. V

2008-11-09T14:19:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. IV

2008-11-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. III

2008-11-09T12:53:00.001-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It Pt. II

2008-11-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

When Things Get Hot, You've Got To Know When To Flip It

2008-11-09T10:17:00.002-05:00

New Newz

2008-11-09T08:16:00.000-05:00

2008-11-09T02:39:00.002-05:00

I should have seen it coming. Now that I've finished one of each of the two artists, I'm past the point in the project I'd initially planned for. All I knew was that I was going to do one of each, and then go back and do one more of each. But that involves choosing another picture of Newz.

Anyway, none of this is really all that important to you, because all that matters is that I choose one of them and do it.

Check It

2008-11-08T18:17:00.002-05:00

Well, I think that about covers the leaks. As much as I find that part of a project to be the most annoying, I also find its completion to be the most satisfying.

And I'm not sure if you've noticed what I did with the repixels for the face yet, I have shown it in the last couple posts because I was pretty sure you wouldn't notice it until I told you about it, at least at the levels of magnification I've used, but the repixelation of the face was done with a net made from several copies of the outline of Bad Newz's face from the first portrait.

I've done some exotic looks before with this type of thing, but this is the first time I've used an image outline from another project.

Blacastanimation

2008-11-08T17:35:00.003-05:00

I'm getting close to finished with this one. There are still some leaks around the ear, as well as a number of individual leaks spotted all over the place. I don't intend to leave the backdrop blank on this one, but I am still deciding how I am going to frame it.

As Long As There Is Evidence To Support It, It Is True (Even If It's Not)

2008-11-08T01:17:00.004-05:00

I've basically filled in everything that needs to be filled in at this point. But those tiny cracks between filled-in areas make the whole thing just seem... empty. My own way of thinking of an image at this stage is to think of it as leaky. And since my goal is to have a water-tight image, it's necessary for me to go all the way in and go back over every inch of the image to make sure that these leaks are sealed.

In the past, at the very beginning at least, I would apply the same method to fill these relatively insignificant areas as I would to the larger, volume- and illusion-defining areas. Fortunately, after a couple projects, I realized that once I had the largest part of the image in place, I could fill in the cracks with pretty much any color I wanted. There are some limits, of course--I'm not going to fill every leak with lime green--but as long as the selected fill color is taken from one of the already established reality colors, the final result will be, or at least give the appearance of being, water-tight.

A glaring example of this is in one of the first self-portraits I did when I was first getting started. I didn't realize it for the longest time, and I can only imagine that most have the same experience as I do, but the color of my chin's shadow that's cast on my neck is actually significantly lighter than the other shadow colors around it!

This realization underlies one of the most important truths about being an artist (or at least somebody who can create the illusion of depth on a flat surface) that I believe most people who would say they can't draw a straight line are not able to accept (or see): the eye is willing to ignore this obvious mistake, or maybe correct it, because it has sufficient correct information from the areas surrounding it.

I Can't See My House From Here

2008-11-07T23:01:00.005-05:00

If the image in the last post was the arithmetic mean of the levels of magnification I use, the image here is close to the upper limit. This is a portion of the face that I'm working on right now. I don't know yet if you will be able to read the number over the image that has the exact percentage, but in case you can't, I'm at 1200%. I'm pretty sure that this isn't relative to the size of the printed image. If it were printed, the image would be something like 30 inches by some other large number in that range, and even though my monitor is large, it isn't large enough to display it at 100%, which it can, or maybe more accurately, does. But I am sure that at this close to the work, you can't even get a perspective sufficient to be able to tell what I'm using for the repixels. That's why I've chosen to share this with you, despite my outstanding desire to keep it secret until its finished.

In some work I've done in the past, notably, The Chandelier, I've gotten even closer to the pixel-by-pixel level, but because the process is time-consuming even at modest rates reproduction, and because the resulting image is so photorealistic as to be indistinguishable from the original, I've since tried to flex the barrier towards larger repixels with arbitrary shapes.

The Image You See In This Post Is About How It Appears To Me When I Am Working

2008-11-07T20:15:00.006-05:00

It's hard for any artist to have an understanding of what the viewer sees. For most of the work I do, I find this to be especially true and therefore frustrating. Unlike most ways this is meant, I don't say it in the sense where it means that I wish I could see it the way you do. I mean that I wish you could see it the way I do: with the ability to zoom all the way in or all the way out. So much of what I like about what I make has to do with the commitment I try to bring to the smallest details. I know that it's possible to create an extremely effective illusion without having to worry about the shape or cleanliness of every last line. But because I know this to be true of works created by even the most accomplished artists, I feel that there is something to be said for (and seen in) images that would look every bit as impeccable on the micro scale, as they do on the macro scale.

Now You See It, And Now You Still See It

2008-11-07T19:19:00.006-05:00

Apologies for the blacked-out face, but I'm still interested in keeping the initial experience of seeing the face as clean of the ugliness that I know comes with seeing the inner-workings of the creative process.

And just to be sure you are able to see that I've made progress, above is the image without its photographic source.

All In Together Now

2008-11-06T22:44:00.003-05:00

It's looking pretty darn good at this point. Maybe a bit too close to the photographic original, but I'm not too worried about that. The hood in particular came out nicely.

I've already started coloring in the face, but have covered it in the image I'm sharing here because the method of pixelation is a new one for me. And I don't want to ruin the surprise by telling you the new method and having you watch it come together.

You Can Feel It In The One Drop

2008-11-06T20:15:00.004-05:00

I've left the source image behind my recreation because I want to be able to see if the colors that I'm feeling are strange are actually strange, or if the recreation is able to sit and fit with the original. So far, I'm much happier.

Commuting From One Difficulty To Another

2008-11-06T18:47:00.003-05:00

I don't know if it's the colors in the image itself, or the attitude and approach I brought to bear when I was making the tonal map, but this one isn't coming along the way I would like. The problem wrinkles is that they're all soft curves and slow gradations. Exactly the opposite of what made the trace of Newz's face so easy in the first of this series.

Fortunately, I'm not without solutions for this problem. My best bet, thematically, and technically, is to apply a series of grids to the jacket so the smaller variations in tone are licked up, if not perfectly, at least with better accuracy than they are being picked up at the moment.

The Next Image Pt. III

2008-11-06T03:57:00.001-05:00

The Next Image Pt. II

2008-11-05T22:53:00.002-05:00

Once again, I'm feeling like the image is lacking a definite direction. I think it's just me and my nature to doubt.

The Next Image

2008-11-05T21:38:00.002-05:00

A Possibly Almost Complete Image (Maybe)

2008-11-05T17:21:00.001-05:00

The New Face Of Zero And One Pt. II

2008-11-05T16:31:00.000-05:00

Bad Newz Is The Good Newz Pt. III

2008-11-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

Bad Newz Is The Good Newz Pt. II

2008-11-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

The New Face Of Zero And One

2008-11-03T19:58:00.003-05:00

I'm actually trying something a little different from the way I've approached a new portraits in the past. Instead of starting out by thinking how I'm going to make this one more complex than the ones that came before it, I'm starting this one by scaling back the specificity of the tonal (value? i don't actually know the proper term) ranges that I'm selecting. Newz's face has these sharp-angled cheekbones and clearly defined wrinkles in his forehead and in the hollows around his eyes that enable me to create the illusion of depth that's the key to creating a face and its expression, without having to sort out where the subtle change from light pink to less light pink might be. I can to cut these linking grades almost entirely and it should just give the it more "pop", for lack of a better word.

Bad Newz Is The Good Newz

2008-11-03T18:25:00.005-05:00

It's hard to say if my excitement about the next series of images I'll be working on and posting here comes more from my excitement about the project itself, or from the opportunity to put aside the projects I've been struggling through for the last couple weeks.

Truth be told, I am not going to dwell on that too much. Or at least I'm going to try to not dwell on it too much.

The project at hand is to create a series of portraits for a pair of underground hip-hop artists I've somehow found myself in a position to make portraits for. Bad Newz, pictured here, I met when he and his rep showed up to our housewarming party. I had been hanging a mutation of one of my earliest works (which I hope to post here in the near future) in the middle of the party as part of my costume/disguise as an artist. I say disguise because I'd meant to hang it in the days leading up to the party, but when it became clear there wouldn't be time, I was too committed to the idea of having an audience for the work I had in mind to be able to write it off and finish the project another time.

Anyway, somehow the rep started asking me about my art and if I had other stuff he could see, which, though not what I had had explicitly planned when I decided to hang the thing so everybody could see it put together, it certainly was one of the shadowy unrealities I am always subconsciously hoping for.

Yesterday, I met up with Newz, the rep, Este, and another artist, Blacastan and took a bunch of pictures that I'm very excited to sift though and re-assemble.

The image in this post is my first project, chosen because it was one of the first ones I took, and one of the better composed images on the whole. There are a lot of good ones that I intend to have a go through, so I will be moving pretty quickly.

In the next post we will be returning to familiar territory: tonal mapping.

Service Options, Parts Availability, And Response Times May Vary

2008-10-30T20:56:00.008-04:00

One of the advantages of my re-pixelation process is that I don't have to search for the right colors. Depending on the size of the selected area I'm filling in, there is a range of appropriate colors which can all pretty much be used without having to worry about how the overall image will be affected by the particular selection my mouse happens to land on. Not all pixels inside a given area are perfect for the image, in some cases there are those odd patches of inappropriate shades or tints at the pixel level that are just so small that they get ignored by the eye(brain) as it assembles its impression of the image. But for the most part, the range is so wide and so appropriate that one can click the eyedropper tool (used to pick up the color of the selected location) and get a "perfect" new color with every click.

Not so with the projects I find myself struggling with at the moment. I'm currently having trouble deciding how I want to manage the fade from black and near-black to the more "lighthearted" colors my "patron" is looking for. I need to maintain the feel of this image being surrounded by darkness--for aesthetic and "symbolic" reasons--but I want the final product to emphasize the shining-out aspect of the dress and the light that make the image possible in the first place.

I have no idea why I used so many quotation marks in this entry. I just did.

Tropolis Rides On

2008-10-29T22:33:00.003-04:00

It's coming along. Maybe not as quickly as it could if I were able to let go of the desire for the perfect color in the perfect place. But it's coming along and that is something to be happy about.

I Wouldn't Miss Them (My Demons)

2008-10-28T21:37:00.004-04:00

It's amazing (and frustrating) how every time I have the breakthrough idea that helps me push a stalled project towards completion, I get so caught up in the perceived momentum shift that the idea brings that I forget the one truth about all great work, creative or otherwise: the rush of enthusiasm that comes with ideas and inspiration is actually the exact opposite oft will bring them into reality. Only patient, sustained effort can fill in the mundane minutes and hours between the conception and realization of the epiphanic vision. That's why the Big Doodle has remained incomplete in both digital and analog form. That's why when I had the idea to see the doodle experimentation from Tropolis through to the end, I immediately decided I needed to switch over to the more exciting (new) breakthrough that came for the Dress Window image.

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BRIEF NOTE ON MY PAST LIFE AS A "WRITER" AND HOW IT INFLUENCES MY THOUGHTS

I don't know why I seem to have such trouble titling the images I work on. One of my strengths (so I've been told, though to be honest, I always knew I had a gift for titles) as a writer was my ability to come up with a title that was both "grabby" and very firmly grounded in whatever piece of writing it happened to be attached to. But now that I've focused so much energy on visual work, I can't do any better that Dress Window for an image with a dress in the window. Tropolis is just Metropolis without the Met-, and I am pretty sure all that change does is make the word nonsense. Though, again, to be fair, I have faith in my ability to title the entries in this blog (with a couple exceptions, though they mostly are applied to Tropolis entries, as far as I can remember). "Despair As A Place To Start From" is a good example. I really like that idea/image as a companion to the image contained in the post of that name, but I know that I would never use that as the title for the image itself. Its only usable within the context that the image was produced out of a feeling that I was desperate to have something completed. It's almost like they belong to two different realms, and like creamed spinach and whatever else I might have on my plate along with it, I unconsciously prefer to keep them from touching one another.

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Rather than unload my feelings or thoughts about where the Dress Window currently stands (or sits, really), I'll just post it and say that I have actually worked on it since it was last posted. I also won't get into the potentially deadly obstacles I foresee in some part of my mind that the rest of my mind refuses to identify conclusively as either pessimistic or realistic.

]It should be obvious to you at this point that I've already stated my realization about how the only way to know is to do and see, and yet here I am, trying to see without doing. So, be sure to stay tuned. You wouldn't want miss me finally besting my demons, now would you?

Despair Reconsidered

2008-10-27T20:47:00.004-04:00

As a sort of pseudo-commission, I've taken up the dress image again in the attempt to work it into something with less black. I knew when I chose the solid black background it would strike people as dark (pun neither intended nor unintended). Nobody wants that much black on their wall. Unless they're really really sad, and even sad people tend not to want to advertise it with something so obvious as a huge black rectangle.

Anyways, the idea is to make the background less depressing. In talking with the person who has asked for this change to be made, we came up with an idea for the background that I simply couldn't wait to start putting together. If her excitement and interest in the image as it was is reason for working for free, my excitement about the idea I now have for this project is the reason it's worth working on right now.

As you can start to see in the image I've posted, I'm using the paisley pattern I used to re-pixelate the dress. But instead of picking up the color of the underlying sections of the photo, I'm coloring the pattern so that its integrity is what's maintained. I'm looking forward to seeing how the identical/dissimilar manifestations work.

And even though I am initially using black to tie the image to its background (lighter colors just make the whole thing feel way too disconnected, rather than overwhelmed---ensconced, maybe would be the better word), my plan is to lighten the shades as I move further from the dress.

I'm toying with the idea of using the exact colors from the dress towards the very edges.

This isn't me abandoning the Tropolis project, by the way. I'm simply putting it aside for the moment to marinate while I work on something that has a definite direction.

If I Am Big Big Tree, I Am Small Axe

2008-10-24T15:37:00.003-04:00

I've decided that the only way to dismiss the doodle fringe idea (I really do come up with the silliest names for what I'm doing) is to color it in and have a good long look how it interacts with the cityscape. Until I see the two together and visually see that they are unrecognizable, my concerns will be limited to completing this portion of the image. I have to stop doubting the end result before I've even seen it.

That is one of the most constant confrontations creative work forces (enables) me to endure: the reality of bringing my idea to life is always way less exciting than the idea of having the idea realized.

I've also gotten to the point where my expectations are only defined by what they reject, which is everything. And since I don't have any better ideas now than I did when I made this alternate version, I might as well work on an idea that's already on its way to completion.

And That's Why I Haven't Finished

2008-10-23T22:03:00.015-04:00

I'd almost forgotten about the following variations on Tropolis. Probably because I had either been awake for days when I made them or was so unsatisfied with them (at the time I decided to abandon them) that I blocked them from my memory. Thankfully, however out of it or distraught I may have been when I made and gave up on them, I have an instinct to save abandoned projects for possible future use. A habit that's both asset and hindrance, as I believe all habits are.

Unsatisfied with the way the bottom of the image just sort of hangs in space, I experimented initially with a bit of doodling. I have always wanted to bring that incarnation of my process (pre-digital) back into my post-pre-digital work, but it had been so long since I'd doodled that I got frustrated because I couldn't focus on anything but the fact that what I was drawing didn't look anything like what I used to draw.

But like I said, this return to my roots was only temporary. I got frustrated with my inability to bring up a perfect know-how recall and found the know-that reminders my mind kept supplying to be more of a hindrance than anything else. And that's where I started to be willing and really really desperate to try anything, with little to no thought about what I was doing or why.

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BRIEF UNRELATED INTERPOLATION AND STYLISTIC HOMAGE TO ONE OF MY BIGGEST ARTISTIC HEROES IN ANY GENRE (R.I.P-D.F-W)

Creating enables me to actively face parts of my personality that I don't like. The end desire in every instance of my efforts at creation is a beautiful and true product, and in order to produce beauty and truth, I have to at least have occasional access to parts within myself that are beautiful and true. And in order to have occasional access to these things, I have to look for them. And in order to look for them, I have to sift through all the ugly misapprehensions that keep me from instantaneously arriving at the point of satisfaction (recognition).

I don't know if I will ever reach the point where I can be satisfied with every part of my self, but I am ok with that as long as I can feel like I am confronting myself about these unsatisfactory aspects.

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The second wildly experimental version I found isn't really even a landscape anymore. Even, or especially, or whatever word I'm trying to come up with, the canvas has gone from landscape (i.e.--wider than it is tall) to portrait (taller than wide). I'm not sure if the reason for this change is clear to the average viewer, a lot of my more abstract, less representational images have been met with a wide array of viewer responses as to what they see or whether they are able to see the image I was carving. But rather than explain it before you even see it, I'll pause here to include the image I'm referring to.

Now that I see it as you will see it, I am more confident you will be able to see what I was trying to get you to see. But since it's impossible for me to have the innocent experience you just had, so in the end, at this level of abstracting representation it's a precarious confidence.

I don't remember exactly why I decided to rotate the image, but I do know that once I did, I saw the image of a woman leaning against a wall, her hip jutting out with the casual suggestion of sensuality.

Even as I look at it now, the more I look at it, the more I think it's impossible for me to know one way or the other how you will react to it.

Sigh.

It's Gonna Get Worse Before It Gets Better, Way Worse

2008-10-23T20:50:00.003-04:00

I said I was going to share some of the dead ends this project has tried to wander and die inside of, thereby giving you something to look at while I worked to be able to put the final version up, thereby maintaining the illusion that I'm in control of the situation, which if I'm being honest I most certainly am not. Setting my insecurities aside for once, I've decided to show the whole ghastly mess and give you a little tour of how hard it is (for me, at least) to create something I can recognize.

In the last post, I showed the outline of the patch you can now see uniting the two halves of my image. I've colored most of these new sections in, but a couple are still empty because I'm not sure if I want to go back and put the details in that I initially left out. I'm still not sure if this needs to go in a simpler (pseudo-abstract) direction or if it would be better to make the whole thing uniformly detailed and try to find another way to make the impact.

The obviously artificial blue skyscrapers in the background are from when I was considering re-coloring the whole scene with blue tints I would select. As you can see, I decided that particular "twist" just didn't do it for me. The pink purple building on the right was a brief venture into the possibility of twisting the re-color twist, using a wide array of arbitrary colors while still honoring the tonal values that are vital to the illusion of depth. Again, as you can see, I got no further than a single building in an done with an embarrassing pepto pink before deciding that idea wasn't really a new twist at all. It just wasn't going to make the image any more compelling than using a single color.

Another reason I'm sharing this version with you is because I kind of have to. Ordinarily, these little experiments would be easy to eliminate. Simply save the "template" before starting, and discard (or save for posterity) any unrecognizable variations. The confusion I find myself mired in during this project has naturally created logistical problems in addition to the conceptual ones that have plagued it since almost the beginning.

I colored both halves of the image in their own files then brought them together in a new document. But when I brought the them together, I neglected to copy the photographs they were based on. Which wouldn't be a problem (and it really is) if I hadn't then started working the alternate-color foray, dutifully saved independently of the original, un-patched-up union template, while also making corrections and additions to the template I was building from. So when I saved the copy as a copy, I had a copy that was in some ways more complete than the template. But I didn't have the safety net of the photo sources for returning the colors to their default state, so it was either stop and go back to make the adjustments on the template (do them all over again) and only then try another direction, or simply move in a new direction and hope it would make the blue problem irrelevant.

Guess which option I chose.

I'm still hoping (and pretty confident) that it will all work out, but at the moment I am unbelievably desperate to figure out how.

The Picture, Before It Is Made

2008-10-22T15:36:00.008-04:00

"Everybody has that feeling when they look at a work of art and it's right, that sudden
familiarity, a sort of...recognition, as though they were creating it themselves, as though it were being created through them while they look at it or listen to it and, it shouldn't be sinful to want to have created beauty?"

Came across this in my reading of The Recognitions (Gaddis). By far the best description of what it is about the creative process that makes it so intoxicating. It's worth a whole lot more discussion than I can give it at the moment, but it really really really really means a lot to me to now be able to label the feeling I first found in writing.

It's eerie how appropriate this is in light of this continued struggle with Tropolis. I am unsatisfied because I haven't found the image I will recognize. Wow. I'm floored by this.

I especially identify with the idea that the artist is as much a witness to his creation as the rest of the world. It can feel like egotism (and in fact might be, at least at times, and in part) when I finish something and am constantly returning to admire the work.

Truth be told, though, in my darkest moments I look at what I've done in the past and am only able to see the struggle, the doubts, the insecurity. In other words, the things that are my touch (as I see it in what I produce) .

The desire for the intoxication of these moments of selfless mediation is at once the most beautiful and most destructive feeling I have in me.

Tropolis Interrupted

2008-10-22T02:42:00.004-04:00

It's been too long since I've posted. A large part of this hiatus has been my continued stalemate with a landscape (cityscape) that satisfies whatever it is that needs to be satisfied when I'm making something. The version at left has been around for most of this time, but because I have a hard time of showing something I know (or feel) isnt representative of what I'm aiming for, I've held off putting it here until now. I honestly shouldn't be so concerned, I look at the analytics for this site and I know there's nobody really visiting. But then again, that's mostly because I'm not posting.

Aside from the visual/technical link I'm still missing for this project, the two images I have so far been using are actually missing a small section that is necessary to make them function as a cohesive cityscape (landscape).

Thankfully, back when I was living where these pictures were taken, I took another picture that shows the two disparate halves along with the missing link.

Why I didnt just work from this complete image in the first place, I'm not sure. I am guessing I wanted the larger images because the details were larger, and I'm very much a detail-oriented artist.

In future posts, I will be sharing some of the stops and starts I've made over the course of this project.

The Second Coming

2008-10-11T02:28:00.003-04:00

I've been reading William Gaddis's novel, The Recognitions. The main character is a painter. He "forges" original paintings in the style of great masters. I won't get into it more than that because it would simply take too long to get into the ways this premise is more complicated than its simplest expression.

I mention this because the main character's adoration of the Masters' gave me an idea.

I want to apply my wholly contemporary approach to producing an image, and apply it to famous paintings. This is a sketchy outline of Christ on the cross from somebody I forget the name of. It's no coincidence that it bears a close resemblance to one of my favorite "original" images.

Tropolis Resumed

2008-10-07T04:50:00.003-04:00

I'm back to working on the landscape. I'd stopped because I had no idea where I wanted it to go, beyond the simplest stages of my "process". I still have no idea what the missing twist is, but I've decided that the only way to figure it out is to get it to the point where it's necessary.

I'm also sharing this because I want to get myself back to posting something regularly, rather than letting it fall for several days, and then rushing to post a dozen things to catch up. Which, to be honest, is a pattern I know I often follow in my life beyond my creative work. Most things are like that, I think. People are crystals; the way they do one thing has all sorts of informative similarities with the do everything.

There's Treasure Everywhere

2008-10-05T17:59:00.002-04:00

Two new links have been added to the treasure hunt. It's important for me to remember that other people are creative.

They both fit into the category of what might best be called "toys":

This one, spoke to me because I am a huge fan of instructions and warnings.

This one is in the same vein as the first, but because it's contextual base is different, it's somehow a much different experience.

Despair As A Place To Start From (A Closer Look)

2008-10-05T13:41:00.002-04:00

Here are some close-ups of the dress.

Sidenote: there's something exhibitionistic-/voyeuristicly compelling about screencaps. At least there is for me.

With A Little Help From My Friend

2008-10-05T06:00:00.003-04:00

This is the only one of my large-scale works that's been printed out. Big-ups to my friend, Scooter, for having faith enough in my work to pay for its realization. I am flattered to note the prominent position he's chosen to hang it.

It should also be noted that this particular image was the first made using my Wacom tablet.

Despair As A Place To Start From

2008-10-05T05:53:00.003-04:00

I'm rather pleased with how this one came out. I don't know if the detail on the dress will be as evident as I would ideally like it to be, but since I can't afford to print it, I have to live with not knowing.

The title of this entry is taken from William Gaddis's novel The Recognitions.

Another Skeleton In My Closet

2008-10-03T04:34:00.001-04:00

I just Finished The Keg By Myself, Let's Cuddle

2008-10-01T22:09:00.000-04:00

More Skeletons In My Closet

2008-09-30T21:56:00.002-04:00

The Truth (Is That I'm Lacking Direction Or Motivation Or Time Or Incentive To Do Anything But Follow What Feels Like The Direction I Want To Be Headi

2008-09-29T20:59:00.001-04:00

1 Red Dot = 1 Mouse Click

2008-09-28T23:29:00.000-04:00

Tropolis Pt. III

2008-09-28T17:57:00.000-04:00

Tropolis Pt. II

2008-09-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

Tropolis Pt. I

2008-09-14T18:09:00.000-04:00

Tropolis

2008-09-11T20:32:00.002-04:00

Two pictures of the view from the apartment I shared with my brother for most of the last year. I'm not sure exactly where I'm headed with them, but I've been itching to have a go at landscapes. Cityscapes, to be more precise. The blocky, geometric irregularity of this view in particular really struck a chord.

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-09-08T20:20:00.003-04:00

I think I tend to gravitate towards making complex images because the amount of time and effort put into them tends to be all there right on the page. The thing I think I always forget is that simple things almost always look that way because someone took the time to take away everything they thought they needed to put in but realized were only standing in the way.

Week At A Glance

2008-08-30T19:13:00.014-04:00

Saturday:

Sunday:
Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Today:

The Good News, The Bad News, And The Ugly

2008-08-24T01:58:00.004-04:00

The good news is that I've found the perfect combination of image and idea for this Murakami portrait. The bad news is that they are not what I had been working with.

On an impulse, I decided it would be useful to learn a bit more about what his new memoir was about. Much to my dismay, I found out it wasn't about looking back on a his career as a writer or even about his life as a human, but instead about his passion for long distance running. Of course, as he is both a writer and a human being I am sure he touches on both of these themes in this memoir. But for my purposes, it would strike a wrong note to create something that didn't share his focus.

The man has apparently run more marathons than he has written novels, but for some reason I was only able to find one image where he is photographed and viewed in this incarnation. This is both extremely exciting and extremely frustrating. Exciting because it means that my finished product will double the available images. Frustrating because the image I am working with is so small as to be almost a hindrance rather than an asset.

Narrowing The Generation Gap

2008-08-23T22:02:00.003-04:00

Now that I've got the barest elements of my two elements, the next thing is to bring them together.

Backward and Onward and Inward and Forward

2008-08-23T19:30:00.005-04:00

Since the product is being created for a "customer", I'm not going to try to experiment my way into a usable image in Painter. But I still cannot ignore my impulse to move things in a new direction, so have decided to try one of my other innovations.
The idea is to combine the young Murakami with the older. Conceptually, I like the idea of demonstrating the act of autobiography by fusing the two temporally disparate images. Technically, I am pleased with the way the two selected images should fit together. The reflection of the window in provides a natural point of synthesis.
Though I would like to find a way to make my involvement in creating the final image more obvious, I am still going to being my work in the way I would if I were creating another one of my repixelizations: simple traces of high and low value areas.

See You In September (Maybe)

2008-08-23T17:24:00.011-04:00

My next project is a portrait of Haruki Murakami for the online literary magazine Open Letters Monthly.

As usual, my first step is to get out there and search for images.

While I usually end up making use of the youngest and most confrontational picture I can find of the author, I nonetheless gather all images I find appealing.

One of the things I couldnt help but notice over the course of this search was that unlike Connell or Rushdie or Tolstoy, there were no traces of aggression in any of the pictures I saw of Murakami. Half of the time he was looking away from the camera, which though I am no expert on this sort of interpretation, strikes me as a submissive posture to strike for a portrait, and the other half of the time, when he did turn to look into the lens, his expression was always tender or pensive or humorous or entreating.

I've only read one of his novels, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, and after seeing so many pictures of his face, I can now see a connection between the two. The hero is passive. At the beginning of the novel, when his wife leaves, he does not go after her. He comes into contact with a number of strange women, and all of these women tell him to do or not do things that they do not explain and which he does not ask about. He even goes so far as to spend a significant amount of time at the bottom of a well.

It is always a mistake to assume the actions of characters are representative of their creator, after all, Murakami is also the creator of the aggressors who have their way with his passive hero, but it is also a hallmark of fiction writing to create whole characters from single aspects of one's own personality.

Once I've loaded my palette with a decent selection of images to work with (from), the next step is deciding whether I want to create what would be my standard product, a photo-recreation of the youngest portrait, or if I will once again use this as an opportunity to push in a new direction.

All Things In Time

2008-08-21T16:51:00.004-04:00

In an ideal world, there would be a steady stream of high-quality output just waiting in my head somewhere. As I would like to not come across as a hopeless duffer, there was the temptation to gloss over this gap. And now that I've decided to discuss this part of my process, there is the temptation to go on about how there is no creation without gestation. In fact, I've already written and erased those paragraphs. The problem I face in this post is now the same as the problem I face in my creative efforts: accepting and trusting the hesitation to move in one direction or another, while still trying to move on.

After struggling to produce the Tolstoy portrait in Corel, I was eager to return to the comfort of Illustrator. The image at right was begun with the hopes of combining the new method with the old.

Most of the advancements I make during the course of my work are the results of synthesis. The Norman Project combined my established practice of covering a tonal map with a net to create my own interpretation of the pixelization process. And, just as my attempts to synthesize the synthesis with my other advancement, the use of arbitrarily selected and imposed color into an otherwise photogrpahic re-creation, this first attempt at bringing the conventional paint product of Corel together with the entirely digitaladvantages of Illustrator is somewhat lackluster.

Just as I will eventually return to the idea of bringing arbitrary pixels together with arbitrary color, I fully believe there will be a time when I am able to bring the Corel and Illustrator together and use them both to make the advancement in my process I was after with this first, failed attempt.

Another Layer To The Legend

2008-08-09T04:10:00.004-04:00

The most startling difference between working in Illustrator and working in Corel Painter is the behavior of the medium. Illustrator, a vector-based world of precise rules, is an environment that offers mechanical assistance to the user. Corel, in the spirit of re-creating the experience of working with real-life paint, is considerably less forgiving.

Unlike the work I've been producing in Illustrator, this image is more a fictional recreation of the original image than a direct non-fiction translation of it. It doesnt look exactly like the photograph. It in fact looks little like Tolstoy.

But, like all fiction, I like to believe that it presents a dramatic representation that while distorting certain details does so only to enhance the effect of the underlying truth.

The rose is my own addition.

I am not sure where to go from here. Part of me wants to take this image and feed it back into Illustrator and to go on "photocopying" the image back and forth to see what happens.

But another part wants to set it aside for now and continue the stated goal of learning to work with Corel.

I am not yet sure which of these voices forward I will follow.

Ta-Da

2008-08-05T21:00:00.001-04:00

For some reason Blogger wasn't letting me upload pictures last night, so I didn't get a chance to share the original image I will be working with for this project.

Next, Please

2008-08-04T21:22:00.005-04:00

For this next project, a portrait of Leo Tolstoy as a young man, I've decided to once again push my work in a new direction. Rather than adding a new twist, such as the imposition of an arbitrary color, as in the spiral self-portrait, or a more complex netting over my tonal map, as in the Norman project, this time I'm adding a new club to my bag.

As much as I love the possibilities I've been able to explore in Illustrator, I have also grown tired of the habits I've developed over the course of my work within it. The tonal map, the netting--the whole process seen in the development of the Norman project, what I like to think of as random repixelation--it's all become too predictable. And while there are probably an infinite number of similar changes I might make without changing the basic structure of my process, what I want is something wholly new. I don't just want a new look to my work, I want a new way to work.

Fortunately, the digital world makes this not only possible, but ridiculously easy. All I have to do is change programs. And also fortunately, the touch-pad my parents got me for my birthday came with a version of Corel Painter Elements.

This project will be my first attempt to use this new program to create something more than a random instantly-disposed-of doodle.